"Listen to yourself, for goodness sake Ash..."

I've made it no secret lately.... or at least through my Twitter and Facebook I've made it no secret... that I've been somewhat stuck in a rut for the past few weeks. A lot of things have been going on in my mind... work, family, living arrangements, personal life. Pretty bog standard stuff to be honest. But I think this "rut" has most likely been caused by something that I discussed not too long ago, my need to keep moving, my "itchy feet syndrome".

No, I don't have some sort of itch-inducing condition in my extremities. I've just been through so much change lately, and moved from all sorts of pillar to every kind of post, that my four-month-long routine of stability, and prolonged "work-sleep-work-sleep-work" periods, has meant that I've become a little frustrated.

It's a good thing. Contrary to my many "FML" tweets and Facebook status updates detailing many a painfully monotonous day, it's good that I'm not allowing myself to become complacent, and that I'm ready for the next challenge. It keeps me working hard at my current job, but also mindful that I won't be here forever, and that I need to keep bettering myself in order to keep moving towards my goal.

I just seem to have forgotten to take my own advice is all. I've been thinking too much into the things I - actually, quite wisely - told others to push to the back of their minds, so as not to get bogged down with doubt, worry or intimidation.

Who knows, maybe I really do need to move on now. It's just so difficult, what with the risk of losing financial stability from my now full-time job, rent to pay each month, and my "plan B" being 200 miles away in everyone's favourite seaside resort.

I'm sticking it out for now. Not because I'm in any way "settling"; I enjoy my job. Yeah, it's bloody stressful sometimes, but I'm a runner. You take on other people's stress and try to make it lighter. And soon I will move on, because everybody does. Right now I'm making the most of the great environment I work in, partly by learning some new things with the tech department.

So. Don't worry about me. Not that you were, but I've had a fair few texts beginning with "I've seen some of you're statuses...." and ending with "...Call me if you need a chat." For which I'm very grateful, because it gets a little lonely sometimes in the Big Smoke. But honestly, I just need to sort myself out a little, and listen to myself for once.

Celeb Spots..... Delayed due to blog neglect...

Firstly, apologies. I have been uber mega ultra busy of late and have completely neglected the old blog. Which probably means there'll be an influx of posts in the next few days. I've missed it!

This Celeb Spots is going to be a bit of a mish-mash of the past couple of weeks, and probably not the most interesting I'm afraid. But here you are.

First, there was Bernard Hill. Captain of the Titanic, King Theoden in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and 'coiner' of the term "Gizza job!"

He was in to record a voice over at work one Saturday, and I was rather excited to meet him. He really was lovely, ordering simply a couple of white teas, no sugar, and smiling and sticking his tongue out at me when I entered the room with his hot beverage! I wanted to compliment him on the courageous way he stayed with the Titanic when she was sinking, rather than fleeing on a life boat, but decided against it. When he came to leave I was coming back through the door after a run, and when he saw me he said "Oh! The tea lady!" I wanted to say "Well, actually it's teagirl... and you should check out my blog....." but again..... decided against it.

Next came Chris Evans. Now, I've already seen him, so usually wouldn't give him another slot of CSOTW, but I wanted to share... slash vent... this! I passed him on Great Portland Street, probably on his way back down to Radio 1, and he was on the phone. As I passed by him he was saying, "Yeah, he's a right faggot..."

Nice Chris, real nice... What a moron.

Also on Great Portland Street sometime last week, I spotted comedian Marcus Brigstocke, from the likes of Argumental, Have I Got News For You and The Late Edition. Now he's not huge in the comedy world, but here are two things to get excited about:

1. He wrote this awesome joke, which has made the rounds and been claimed by many a joke-thief:

"If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

2. He looks like Sam The Eagle from the Muppets.

Finally, my friends and I were in a McDonalds along Regent St on Saturday when we spotted Jake Wood who plays Max Branning in Eastenders. We had to restrain ourselves from going up to him and asking "So, did you kill Archie?" and "Honestly, are you shitting yourself about Friday's live episode?"

So that's it I think. Oh, well, there was Charlie from Big Brother 10, shopping in Hamleys, and Mo from Big Brother 9 working there, wearing a name tag that said "Richard", which fooled noone, and looking like he was having some sort of breakdown. But aside from that, that's all folks.

Laters.

"I don't do regrets. Just things I wish had happened a little differently."

I wish I'd gotten to see Michael Jackson perform live, with my front row ticket for tonight, February 1st 2010, which always had been too good to be true.

I wish that after starting dancing lessons at the age of 3 I hadn't given up so early, not knowing how much I would love to dance when I was older. I wish now that I had the guts to get out there and do what I love so much.

I wish my grandparents, Lily and Joe Mowbray, had lived long enough to see who I grew up to be, and that I'd been able to get to know them. I know I would have loved their spirit.

I wish I'd not made my mum worry quite so much when I was 14.

I wish I could have had the chance to see Bob Marley perform No Woman No Cry, and this time cried at the real beauty of it rather than just the wonder.

I wish that, during my last ever competitive game of rounders in High School, I hadn't lost my temper and got myself sent off.

I wish I'd been wiser and been a little easier on my first love.

I wish that, on the day I met Simon Cowell, my auntie and I hadn't decided to collect as much free crap as possible on the commute into London, thus making me look either very strange or freakishly intelligent when rooting in my bag for my camera.

And sometimes... sometimes I wish I had the guts to be completely honest about the way I feel, and actually do something about it.