"Listen to yourself, for goodness sake Ash..."

I've made it no secret lately.... or at least through my Twitter and Facebook I've made it no secret... that I've been somewhat stuck in a rut for the past few weeks. A lot of things have been going on in my mind... work, family, living arrangements, personal life. Pretty bog standard stuff to be honest. But I think this "rut" has most likely been caused by something that I discussed not too long ago, my need to keep moving, my "itchy feet syndrome".

No, I don't have some sort of itch-inducing condition in my extremities. I've just been through so much change lately, and moved from all sorts of pillar to every kind of post, that my four-month-long routine of stability, and prolonged "work-sleep-work-sleep-work" periods, has meant that I've become a little frustrated.

It's a good thing. Contrary to my many "FML" tweets and Facebook status updates detailing many a painfully monotonous day, it's good that I'm not allowing myself to become complacent, and that I'm ready for the next challenge. It keeps me working hard at my current job, but also mindful that I won't be here forever, and that I need to keep bettering myself in order to keep moving towards my goal.

I just seem to have forgotten to take my own advice is all. I've been thinking too much into the things I - actually, quite wisely - told others to push to the back of their minds, so as not to get bogged down with doubt, worry or intimidation.

Who knows, maybe I really do need to move on now. It's just so difficult, what with the risk of losing financial stability from my now full-time job, rent to pay each month, and my "plan B" being 200 miles away in everyone's favourite seaside resort.

I'm sticking it out for now. Not because I'm in any way "settling"; I enjoy my job. Yeah, it's bloody stressful sometimes, but I'm a runner. You take on other people's stress and try to make it lighter. And soon I will move on, because everybody does. Right now I'm making the most of the great environment I work in, partly by learning some new things with the tech department.

So. Don't worry about me. Not that you were, but I've had a fair few texts beginning with "I've seen some of you're statuses...." and ending with "...Call me if you need a chat." For which I'm very grateful, because it gets a little lonely sometimes in the Big Smoke. But honestly, I just need to sort myself out a little, and listen to myself for once.

Celeb Spots..... Delayed due to blog neglect...

Firstly, apologies. I have been uber mega ultra busy of late and have completely neglected the old blog. Which probably means there'll be an influx of posts in the next few days. I've missed it!

This Celeb Spots is going to be a bit of a mish-mash of the past couple of weeks, and probably not the most interesting I'm afraid. But here you are.

First, there was Bernard Hill. Captain of the Titanic, King Theoden in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and 'coiner' of the term "Gizza job!"

He was in to record a voice over at work one Saturday, and I was rather excited to meet him. He really was lovely, ordering simply a couple of white teas, no sugar, and smiling and sticking his tongue out at me when I entered the room with his hot beverage! I wanted to compliment him on the courageous way he stayed with the Titanic when she was sinking, rather than fleeing on a life boat, but decided against it. When he came to leave I was coming back through the door after a run, and when he saw me he said "Oh! The tea lady!" I wanted to say "Well, actually it's teagirl... and you should check out my blog....." but again..... decided against it.

Next came Chris Evans. Now, I've already seen him, so usually wouldn't give him another slot of CSOTW, but I wanted to share... slash vent... this! I passed him on Great Portland Street, probably on his way back down to Radio 1, and he was on the phone. As I passed by him he was saying, "Yeah, he's a right faggot..."

Nice Chris, real nice... What a moron.

Also on Great Portland Street sometime last week, I spotted comedian Marcus Brigstocke, from the likes of Argumental, Have I Got News For You and The Late Edition. Now he's not huge in the comedy world, but here are two things to get excited about:

1. He wrote this awesome joke, which has made the rounds and been claimed by many a joke-thief:

"If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

2. He looks like Sam The Eagle from the Muppets.

Finally, my friends and I were in a McDonalds along Regent St on Saturday when we spotted Jake Wood who plays Max Branning in Eastenders. We had to restrain ourselves from going up to him and asking "So, did you kill Archie?" and "Honestly, are you shitting yourself about Friday's live episode?"

So that's it I think. Oh, well, there was Charlie from Big Brother 10, shopping in Hamleys, and Mo from Big Brother 9 working there, wearing a name tag that said "Richard", which fooled noone, and looking like he was having some sort of breakdown. But aside from that, that's all folks.

Laters.

"I don't do regrets. Just things I wish had happened a little differently."

I wish I'd gotten to see Michael Jackson perform live, with my front row ticket for tonight, February 1st 2010, which always had been too good to be true.

I wish that after starting dancing lessons at the age of 3 I hadn't given up so early, not knowing how much I would love to dance when I was older. I wish now that I had the guts to get out there and do what I love so much.

I wish my grandparents, Lily and Joe Mowbray, had lived long enough to see who I grew up to be, and that I'd been able to get to know them. I know I would have loved their spirit.

I wish I'd not made my mum worry quite so much when I was 14.

I wish I could have had the chance to see Bob Marley perform No Woman No Cry, and this time cried at the real beauty of it rather than just the wonder.

I wish that, during my last ever competitive game of rounders in High School, I hadn't lost my temper and got myself sent off.

I wish I'd been wiser and been a little easier on my first love.

I wish that, on the day I met Simon Cowell, my auntie and I hadn't decided to collect as much free crap as possible on the commute into London, thus making me look either very strange or freakishly intelligent when rooting in my bag for my camera.

And sometimes... sometimes I wish I had the guts to be completely honest about the way I feel, and actually do something about it.

Celeb Spots of the Week

I did quite well this week!

- Richard Hammond - He came into work to record a voice over for his latest TV programme, and although I'd heard mixed things about him, he was very nice. I took him a black coffee, and later he ordered lunch from Pho, which does Vietnamese street food. He reeled off this long Vietnamese name for whatever he wanted, and then said "But you know what that is don't you, I don't need to tell you that!" - All I could think was "My god.... I'm having banter with Richard Hammond!"

- James McAvoy - Not my spot unfortunately, but one of the other runners. He had spotted him eating outside Benito's Hat on Goodge Street, and when he got back (about 5 minutes later) and told me, I ran down there to try and spot him, but he'd already left. Gutted. I must have only missed him by 2 minutes!

- Felix from Basement Jaxx - walking along Saint Annes Court.

- Moss from The IT Crowd - also walking down Saint Annes Court... We were sat in the window of Soho Thai at the time and all turned to look at him, and he turned around looking quite scared while he swiftly walked around the corner!

- Anne-Marie Duff - wife of James McAvoy and star of Shameless, The Virgin Queen and Nowhere Boy, walking down Margaret Street towards Regent Street, looking very normal!

"Well... my symptoms include itchy feet and chronic daydreaming......"

I've been doing a lot of pondering lately (yes, it's one of those posts...) ...and here's something I know for sure:

I want to move to Toronto.

I always have, ever since my first visit to my brother in 1999. I've been a few times since, and my month-long visit last year completely confirmed and increased my desire to do so. I don't honestly think I want to move there permanently - I'm incredibly close to my family so would never want to be apart from them forever - but definitely for at least a couple of years. I just have a love for Toronto that I know I'm never going to have for any other destination on earth. It feels like a home away from home. My love for the city is a deep and entirely rational one, as opposed to the love I have for other places that I would never realistically emigrate to. And I honestly think I will do it. I planned to next summer, but then I moved to London, and I definitely need to carry on with my career for a while.

Now here's another bit of 'ponder-fodder'....

I want to do a filmmaking Masters in America.

I have been on the emailing list for the New York Film Academy for a good while now, but today I printed out an application form. It's probably not the one I would go for - I want to do the Filmmaking MA which they only do at the Disney Studios in Florida or in Abu Dhabi, and I would really like to do it in New York or California. Also I can't think too much into it yet because I need to significantly bump up my portfolio before I can apply. But I want to do it. I didn't want to do a Masters when I graduated, and I definitely would only do it if it was as practical-based as this particular course. I would not be able to stand another year of university otherwise!

I've realised, while pondering these two potentially life-altering decisions, that I have a slight travel bug. My small glimpse of the world this summer, followed by my spontaneous relocation to London has given me itchy feet. Even though I'm doing well in London, have great contacts in the industry and a good job prospects.... I'm ready to move on again.

That was the most difficult part of settling into my job here at the post-production company, and was something I didn't expect. I found myself within a few weeks thinking about where I might be moving onto next, and worrying about staying put too long. Both things that even now I don't need to worry about too much, but an obvious result of a manic few months.

I obviously need to get away again. Not so much need.... but want to.... and I honestly think while you're young and have the desire to see something more than your own back yard, that equals need. Which will it be? Will I move to Toronto, something I actually can't wait to do, and something that my putting-off has frustrated me a great deal? Or will I up sticks for the US and hopefully give my career a little potential boost, which would involve big worries about funding but would be something that I would love every second of?

Or... will I end up doing neither one? I hope not. I hope in my next few months - or couple of years - in London, nothing happens to halt either plan. I also hope that I get over the itchy feet for a while. Because I really do love London, and although I daydream about moving across the pond on a regular basis, when I really think about it....

....I don't want to leave the Big Smoke just yet.

Almost Celeb Spots of the Week

So this week was fairly rubbish for me. At the beginning of the week I had a stomach bug AND a viral throat infection, and, just in time to see the doctor on Wednesday, managed to develop an ear infection too! This not only resulted in me feeling epically awful, but also going stir crazy in my tiny shoe-box of a bedroom.

Thus, those pesky celebs have evaded me for a week. However, on reading this week's copy of Heat magazine I made some frustrating discoveries. Heat's "Spotted" feature - a double-page spread listing celebrities that have been spotted out and about recently, and where they were seen - used to be a fun, if trivial, highlight of my fortnightly gossip-fest. But recently, or to be more precise, since I started working in Central London, it has become something more. Oxford Street, Regent Street, Mortimer Street, Margaret Street, Charlotte Street, Dean Street, Wardour Street... Not only do I know these streets like the back of my hand, but I walk along them every day.

"Spotted" is no longer something to wonder at ("Ooh... Keira Knightly was shopping at Tesco? I shop at Tesco!) or a form of light entertainment. "Spotted" is now, I believe, Heat's way of rubbing it in my face that some of my favourite stars grace the very pavements that my footprints are so well worn into. Ok, so maybe Britain's favourite glossy doesn't have it in for me, but it's still pretty damn annoying.

So, here Ladies and Gentlemen, are my "almost" Celeb Spots of the Week... We'll start with the most gutting of all, shall we?

- "Alicia Keys chatting furiously on her mobile phone as she left The Langham hotel in Regent Street, London." - The Langham hotel?! I pass by that hotel every single day on my way into work, not to mention sometimes walking past the entrance on the occasional run. Every time I linger a little longer to see who the swanky Bentley is waiting for, and every time I see nobobdy of interest. Alicia Keys?!

- "Pete Burns wearing a hideous outfit outisde Starbucks on Wardour Street, London." - Ok, so I don't actually care about missing Pete Burns, but i have always been intrigued to see for myself if he really is that ugly in the flesh. Shame.

- "Radio DJs Nick Grimshaw and Annie Mac meeting for lunch in Itsu in London's Soho." - Would have been cool, Annie Mac is a legend.

- "Alfie Allen and Jaime Winstone on Shaftesbury Avenue, central London..." - Not that great, but hey, I got excited about Fiona Phillips and Diane Louise Jordan...

- "Simon Pegg going into a sandwich shop on Charlotte Street, central London." - I've heard mixed things about this guy, but what a brilliant Celeb Spot that would have been!

And finally... and incredibly annoyingly...

- "Michael McIntyre rushing down Goodge Street, central London." - ARGH! I work SO close to Goodge Street, I walk along it most days. And Michael McIntyre is my FAVOURITE comedian. Excuse the slightly tasteless use of capitals, but there's no other way to convey my frustration. Michael McIntyre! As a Northern lass I used to be a die-hard Peter Kay fan, and I do still love the guy, but - sorry Peter - Michael stole my heart from the first time I saw him on Live At The Apollo. I have all his DVDs, and went to see him live last year in Lancaster with my old flatmates, also superfans of the floppy-haired funnyman.

One can only hope that he was doing what we all love him for; skipping whilst swinging both arms together...

Passer-by: "What are you doing, Michael?"

Michael: "I'm winning, that's what I'm doing!"






[Quotations taken from Heat, "Spotted", 16-22 January 2010]

"The first key to writing is to write, not to think!"

I want to write a screenplay.

I've been thinking about it for a good while (I know, I know... "not to think..."). These are my thoughts.

1. I can write. I'm a fairly good writer. Not an amazing writer... but I think I have the potential to write a good script.

2. I can see how the scene will pan out, for whatever I'm writing. Meaning I don't sit with a pen and paper and try to write the scene itself, rather visualise it and let it write itself. I have no idea, but it seems to me this could be a good technique to have.

3. I love film. And so the thought of seeing something that I have not only contributed to, but actually written or co-written, come to life... Well. That would be a dream come true.

4. (And this is where reality kicks in) I've never really written anything creatively. My writing skill is based on non-fiction essays and articles, which yes, I'm good at, but does that really set me in good stead to write a screenplay? It would seem not.

5. I don't seem to have the inspiration to come up with concepts, even though I think that if I were given a concept I would be more than able to run with it. Frustrating at the least. Especially when I probably do have the inspiration, it's probably staring me in the face. I just don't know how to see it yet.

6. I know that, even though it's not entirely necessary, taking some sort of course in writing screenplays, or just creative writing in general, would help me, but right now I have zero time to do anything like that.

7. Do I even have the time to write?


I don't want to become a writer. I just want to do it for a bit of fun... Something me and a few friends can take on and make something out of. Some more experience. But right now I'm stumped. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do it.

But I will. And on the first few attempts it'll be shit. But I'll get there.

Failing that, I'll turn all Michael Bay on you... and bombard you with glorified pyrotechnics until you forget all about the shoddy dialogue and lack of narrative.

:)


“You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is to write, not to think!”
Finding Forrester (2000) - William Forrester (Sean Connery)